Ugly Little Pretty Thoughts

Phone Calls From Philly

girlzoot — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:45:42 -0600

He called me his light
I was his sun
Brightness in the dark
Scorched love and heavenly pussy he said

He was darkness and sin
Everything I shouldn’t do
Or have done
Just the thing I was looking for

Dropped to his knees
Licked me to the core
Swirling around and about and above
He, Me, We orbited

He and Me
Night and Day
Sun and Moon
Dusk to Dawn to Dusk to Dawn to
He and Me

Bass and Strings

girlzoot — Tue, 14 May 2013 07:38:09 -0600

sweaty bodies press
listen, understand, we know
our eyes to the stage

Papa

girlzoot — Tue, 07 May 2013 11:33:11 -0600

Papa
I got a new Daddy now
he don’t care
where I been
or if I’m workin’

Papa
I got a new Daddy now
he calls all the time
let me know
he wants me

Papa
I got a new Daddy now
he don’t care
when I break the glass
or shake the ass

Papa
I got a new Daddy now
he got only one baby
me

Open

girlzoot — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 05:38:31 -0600

open
open me
on my back
widespread
and wet
open and wanting
my breasts
my skin
tense and wild
kiss me lick me bite me
want me
more and more and more
oh
more
fill me
stretch me
fingers in me
on me
teeth
tongue
all over and alive
craving aching
drinking us in
oh oh oh
yes
let me
cry out
all over you
and fill each fracture
between us
with more
need
let me in
let me taste
and feel
you quiver
between my teeth
love you
love you
have to
touch you
more and more and more and more
oh
some more
suck everything
into me
and roll you
in my skin
feel you
rotate you
swallow you in
deep
round and round
more and more
until
we
stop

Training Conversation

girlzoot — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 11:27:43 -0600

Training class again last night. A new job, a new place, a new set of training and forced mingling.

I can mingle, I can be friendly, I can play this part. I exchange hellos and how-do-you-dos and pleasantries of this nature and take my seat behind a very loud woman who feels the need to tell everyone all about her plans for the weekend.

In
mind
numbing
detail.

She asks, perfunctorily, what those around us might be doing for the weekend and more false pleasantries are exchanged. Some have plans with children or husbands, the department is exclusively female and it shows in the answers.

She comes to me, and the question gets snotty for me, and I’m amused, she has me pegged, I’m a girl she considers useless, she has dismissed me as uninteresting, and I find this amusing. She with her gelatin and casserole lifestyle has chosen to dismiss me as boring because of my quiet work nature.

She asks it snidely, secure in her knowledge that I must surely be unable to muster anything interesting or inspired. What could a quiet, boring girl like me do on the weekend anyway? In a blink she has dismissed me and I smile to myself at my own thoughts, at my own plans, smile at the veneer I wear for the work day.

My weekend will have no structure. Everything is nebulous and flowing, I know what I want to have happen over the course of my weekend, that I want to crawl on my knees and be taken from behind until my bones melt and I give over my will as delight seeps into my body at the touch of my lover. I know I want to discuss the aspects of labeling my own love and what it might mean to the other person involved. I want the days to pass in a blur of sound and light and joy until every second is a wonder of connection and happiness.

That is how I imagine my weekend will go, what I want to have happen, but I don’t say this to the incredibly loud woman staring at me with her docile cow-like eyes. I live up to her expectation and say I will be reading a book.

Who am I to disappoint?

Watching The Door

girlzoot — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 11:10:09 -0600

I’ve become that girl
that girl
with the butterflies
the knots
the stomach
turned inside out
waiting for you
just to arrive
the thought
of you
and I
naked
together
mere hours
before
this dinner
where you meet
with my friends
making me
lightheaded
turning me
into that
that girl
that waiting
anticipating
expectant
anxious
excited
nervous
girl

Passenger Car

girlzoot — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 06:01:40 -0600

on the night train to Carlisle
I met my lady love
she slid the doors closed
and her clothes off
I became the one
to see her breasts
in the passing light of
churches
and homes
and stations
the light filtered through
the window
and she
moved
in the dark
to the rhythm
of the slow
slow
slow
click
clack
bring it back
click
   clack
click
clack
click
slow
   slower
more to
   the right
rhythm
of the
car

Teacher In The Next Room

girlzoot — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 11:16:13 -0600

His skin is soft, smooth, warm, and smells of almonds. The sweet baked smell of almonds. I lean to taste his skin, and the scent fills my nose, filling me, flooding my mouth when I run my tongue along his nipples.

The scent and taste swirling around my head and I want to take in all of him, I want to swallow him whole. My mouth on his chest is wet and he begins to make little noises, noises that blend in my mind. I push him down, straddle his belly, hands firm on his chest, biting and sucking the taste and scent and sounds of him. I find myself leaving a line of marks across his chest, spanning from arm to arm, darkest in the middle where he smells the most of almonds.

I run my fingers along the marks, feeling the indentations from my teeth along the way. I dig my fingers in to his sides and bury my face into his neck to breathe him in again, biting down on his collarbone. He is thin and soft against my teeth, but the bone feels solid, hard between my teeth. The scent of him makes me dizzy, sliding along his chest, passing over my bite marks with the tip of my tongue.

He is hard, and I can feel the heat of his cock blaring against me through my clothes. I want to taste the almond skin of his cock, I want to surround the taste in my mouth, wet and smooth with my tongue, I want to feel him release inside my mouth, see if he orgasms melted marzipan.

How delightful would it have been if he had orgasmed candy? How delightful.

Tried Again

girlzoot — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 09:27:12 -0600

I could wait
wait
wait
forever
sit
still
do what
or who
I’m expected
to do
I’d not
get what I want
from the likes
of you
each time
I’m a good girl
hoping
for you
to make the move
you say
you’ll make
I wait
wait
wait
like a good girl
should
do
eventually
fuming
feeling
my teeth
beginning
to grind
knowing
I can say
nothing
or
I can
simply
explode
all
because
I tried
again
to be
the good girl
for you

Shared

girlzoot — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 06:19:58 -0600

you could read my books
to understand what I think
look, see what I know
you could live where I have loved
be welcome inside of me

Lips Unseen

girlzoot — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:14:47 -0600

Kiss me again
She whispers

He puts a hand
Over her mouth

To help
Himself refuse

She's Late

girlzoot — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 04:59:37 -0700

how long must I wait
for you to name
the reason
that you made me
wait

Hate all the people, all the time.

girlzoot — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:36:00 -0700

-Are you in class today?
-Yes, it is so fucking cold in that theater, I have to run to get coffee.
-Coffee isn't going to help.
-Okay I have to run to get away from the young people in my class that I have nothing in common with.
-Bitter today?
-Every day I wake up.
-You make me so proud.
-There is this pair that was talking when I left and it made me want to stab someone.
-Were they talking at you?
-Near me. But she had a look on her face, and so did he, and their words were nothing like the looks on their faces, and it made me want to interrupt and just interpret for the two of them, cut to the chase because bullshit irritates me so much right now.
-But flirting is fun.
-It wasn't flirting, it was "I'm not pretty enough." body language on her part. Followed by "I'm so gonna nail this broad" leaning on his part. Sometimes men are so obvious I think that instead of light-bulbs they should have little hard-ons pop up over their heads.
-What a great idea, then I could cruise with ease. Oh and we should totally have cartoon eye-lines so we can know what the guys we like, like about us.
-Why is it when I'm filled with hatred of people you come back at me with cartoonish ideas and make this in to a silly fun plan?
-Can't hate everyone all the time.

Properly Ordered Truth

girlzoot — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 19:50:03 -0700

we sat
we sat a lot
him talking
me listening
him telling me
all those very
very
important things
that kept me
in place
sitting
sitting in order
proper order
listening
to him talking
when he finally
asked asked me about
my day
about me
asked
about
I tell my fun story
his silence
deafening
followed up
with a quick shot
of fury
his fury
which sticks
clings to my belly
that scars my eyelids
today
the bright curl of him
still in my head
yelling
out the truth my truth of the matter
“Who’d fuck you but me? Honestly bitch, who?”
of course
he must be right
I have to be wrong
my mistake
we can go back to the sitting
with you talking
me listening
everything
back
back to
the proper order

She's Better, I'm Gone

girlzoot — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 11:28:20 -0700

you told me last night
in passing
as I slid
down your body
kissing away my
last inhibitions
sighing away
my final insecurities
you told me last night
as my mouth
traveled and wandered
opened and found
all the doors
that unlocked my
possibilities
you told me last night
that you’d found
the real love
that love you’d searched for
so very long
you told me last night
in passing
before you took me again
and again
just once more
to say I wasn’t
quite good enough
enough
no matter
what I tried
or gave
you told me last night

now who will tell you

Porn Gifs

girlzoot — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 06:33:50 -0700

Porn can be such a weird thing for me. There are times that if I find the right porn, it can be sexy, it can be enticing, it can be exactly what it is supposed to be - exciting. A lot of times though it is just really attractive people that aren’t me fucking. Not exciting, just sort of a reminder I’m all alone in the middle of the night staring at a screen. Not great.

But there is something different about a porn gif. It is shorter, an endless loop in fact and I think that is the appeal. Granted it is still attractive people that aren’t me fucking, or fingering, or blowing, or whatevering on a screen, but that endless loop gives it a sort of forgiveness of technological wonder.

When I see a porn gif, it is like accessing a memory. There are times when I think back to a first kiss and I can remember the smell of the air around us, I can remember the feel of sweaty hands, I can remember the taste of lifesavers, but I don’t remember every single kiss that came after. There are so many, but the first sticks out, or the one in the snow, or the time where she whispered she loved me, or the time he bit by ear, they are all moments on an endless loop in my mind, and sometimes I look at them. I think in some way that is what well-edited porn gifs or any gifs can give a person, the exact feeling - over and over and over and over.

When I was young I was deeply entranced with the the film Some Kind of Wonderful. I would put in the VHS tape and watch when Keith would kiss Watts over and over and over again, and each time it would give me the same exact thrill. Every time. I don’t see how gifs are any different, other than more awesome and modern and less tracking involved.

Now I just need to find a porn gif that gives me the same sweaty teen sexy thrill that repeatedly watching a VHS in a dark room gave me. Or just see if I can find that movie gif.

Purgatory is a Bus Stop in Cleveland

girlzoot — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 06:08:16 -0700

Caught up in feeling a fool.
A fool believing he loved me at all.

Expelled from the heavenly gates
of her acceptance he turned.

Turned to me. Turned. Turned on.
Turned lying eyes on me. Turned.

Left without his angel there was only me.
Purgatory lover. Bus Stop passing fuck.

Hail Mary. Our Father. Blessed Penance.

He kept coming everyday.
Putting in the time.

Each I love you sacrament.
Waiting it out with another doomed bitch.

Waiting out the tortures.
Waiting out the tribulations.

Hail Mary. Our Father. Blessed Penance.

Waiting for his angel’s gates.
Still a doomed soul, a fool.

A fool believing he loved me.
Bus Stop fucker. Purgatory lover.

Atonement
fuck.

Hail Mary. Our Father. Blessed Penance

Timed Piece With Six Words

girlzoot — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:48:31 -0700

this is what we crawled from the ooze for
to worship before her
from that pumpkin round ass
those bumptious breasts
that make your hands
curve in a subtle wish
every inch of that frame
is why you’re glad you’re alive
from the crisp lip
to the solid stance
now on your knees
to worship
the way she wants
the way she needs
on your knees to worship
if you want to please
a queen like that
a queen
you’ve been longing
all your lowly supplicant life to know

Sharing With Him My Publication

girlzoot — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 07:41:00 -0700

I handed him the book
and his huge fingers
flipped through my pages

he opened to my words
and he read
he reads my words
he read my words

his face changed
contorted in response
to me
to my words
he smiled
he frowned

he reads
he read
my words
I opened
to him

every night
strained against
his hips
scratched down
the hunkered back
called out his name
every time he bit down
and left his mark
little flags
of possession

I stood
I stand
forever
watching him read
my words
bruised
by his understanding

Trying to Find

girlzoot — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 19:19:31 -0700

fused
at the mouth
wanting
to know precisely
how
I ask
all my memories
to chase themselves
from my mind
I need
to be in this moment
feel
I want to feel
fingers to teeth to tongue to mind
memories still flash
I chase and chase
am haunted
hunted by spectres
incompetent
at quietude
incapable
of calm
wanting to be where
you are
lost inside
trapped
by my own
pathos
trying
to find
a new
path
back to where
I can feel